First post. I am in transition. Moving from one job to another, I know I need to make the changes because it is for the best for me (closer to home), shorter commute, less gas money, more supplies, better kids, and a better district's reputation. However, I am torn leaving my friends who have quickly become my surrogate family that have made it possible (in part) to branch out and try new things and become more assertive professionally. I can acknowledge the loss of the friends, but the thought of making new friends just seems so daunting. It takes me so long to trust people and let them know who I really am. But, I know I can't stay where I am. I am stagnate and that is doing me no good. I can't advance in life if I'm not moving forward myself.

I find myself being very introspective of late, but I type much faster than I write so I thought that this would be useful. A book was recommended to me today, Women Who Run With the Wolves by an author who's last name is Estes. Its supposed to be able to help me with women who have had trouble finding themselves and how they acheived success.

I don't know who I am, and just as I thought I might be able to define myself in terms of my career, I am changing careers again. So this really is an opportunity to redefine myself. I need to embrace the change. I hate change. Change sucks. It sucks because it is an unknown. If its unknown then I don't know what to expect and I can't respond right. If I can't respond right, then there is a possiblity that I could respond wrong. Wrong is bad. Wrong is failure. I can't fail. But what is responding right? How will I ever know if what I do is right? Who will tell me or will I just know myself. There I go again looking for external validation of right and wrong and using someone elses ideals or standards. I need to have or find my own standards. At least I can recognize it now.... changing it is a whole other long term battle. And change... well, change sucks!