Running away
I've been at the lake since Tuesday 6/20 (so that's six days). We came home tonight just to go to dinner with Dave's parents for his birthday. We're leaving for the lake again in the morning and won't be back until next Sunday 7/2 (another seven days). Its so much more relaxing there because the bills don't come in the mail, and I don't have to look around at all the things I should be doing, or need to be doing, or want to be doing. Its like I'm there to relax. The house is all cleaned up, so nothing is waiting to haunt me when I come home but still somehow I feel like I am running away. Running away from what?
I read a fun book, the first book I've read just for pleasure in several months. It was called Pink Slip Party, very funny. I also loved A Million Little Pieces and My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Both great. I have not gotten far in the Women Who Run With Wolves book. But that is heavy duty reading. Reading where you need to read a few pages and stop and think and see how it relates to you and then keep going.
I am going to cancel my therapy appointment this week since I'm going to be at the lake. Strangely the stress and confusion doesn't follow me up there, so I don't feel like I am going to freak out if I don't go.
I need to work on the diet/exercise thing. Its really a serious problem. I can't ignore it, it won't go away. This is one problem that follows me to and from the lake. I am continuously aware of just how much I hate my body. And, not suprisingly, since I hate my body, I abuse it on a thrice-daily routine of eating crap thus making me hate my body more, hence eating more crap..... and the cycle continues.
I am 29. I need to change my relationship with myself and my body. With myself and food. With myself and the world. With myself and my mind. So many things need to change in my life, but really most of them can be stemmed back to body image/ weight issues. So does it not make sense to attack the keystone problem (body/weight)? I can't run from myself because I CAN'T RUN. PEIROD.
I read a fun book, the first book I've read just for pleasure in several months. It was called Pink Slip Party, very funny. I also loved A Million Little Pieces and My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Both great. I have not gotten far in the Women Who Run With Wolves book. But that is heavy duty reading. Reading where you need to read a few pages and stop and think and see how it relates to you and then keep going.
I am going to cancel my therapy appointment this week since I'm going to be at the lake. Strangely the stress and confusion doesn't follow me up there, so I don't feel like I am going to freak out if I don't go.
I need to work on the diet/exercise thing. Its really a serious problem. I can't ignore it, it won't go away. This is one problem that follows me to and from the lake. I am continuously aware of just how much I hate my body. And, not suprisingly, since I hate my body, I abuse it on a thrice-daily routine of eating crap thus making me hate my body more, hence eating more crap..... and the cycle continues.
I am 29. I need to change my relationship with myself and my body. With myself and food. With myself and the world. With myself and my mind. So many things need to change in my life, but really most of them can be stemmed back to body image/ weight issues. So does it not make sense to attack the keystone problem (body/weight)? I can't run from myself because I CAN'T RUN. PEIROD.
posted by onefootinfrontoftheother at 9:42 PM
4 Comments:
Are you back yet? Have a good time? I know the Fourth is a big holiday on the lake, so I hope you had a great celebration.
Jamie
This is weird...I had my friend's blog bookmarked, clicked on it and appeared here...although you don't seem to be her.
I'm confused.
Have you run away for good...I was just thinking tonight how good one of Dave's Pineapple Plantations sounded...flashback I guess. Too bad they remind me of that asshat *Roy*! LOL>..what a weekend that was.
Hugs, hope all is well.
Jamie
OK, did you quit? Give up on the blog? Whatsa goin' on? Miss ya.
J
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